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Argentinian President Javier ‘Chain Saw’ Milei announced further revelations today from recently declassified documents held by Argentinian Foreign Ministry. Amng the most interesting was rumors that the head of the German WW2 Airforce Hermann Goring did not commit suicide at Nurenburg but escaped to the South America. According to declassified CIA reports the body shown in the photograph was really the ‘Pillsbury Doe’ boy. Goring apparently escaped on a counterfeit Scottish passport that claimed he was an itinerant cuckoo clock salesman from Glasgow called Harold McGoring. After settling in Patagonia, he apparently opened a sports bar and British theme pub called the Old Bull and Bomber which he ran until his death in the late 1970s. Other revelations that have long been suspected include that the German rocket scientists who settled in the U.S were entirely responsible for putting an American on the moon. Apparently, Dr. Fister who led the team was very keen on building an even more powerful rocket capable of flying a man to Uranus however technical difficulties prevented packing enough fuel for decent shot at Uranus.

In other areas it was announced that former POTUS 46 has finally admitted to the fact that he is really Elmer Fudd and that after taking two Pervitin he might finally catch that rabbit or even outrun the Road Runner. The Scum, the London tabloid today launched its first non-binary page 3 pin up person with the chosen pronouns ‘We Haven’t a Clue’ under the name Chelsea who self identifies as a mailbox and a furry.